Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
