Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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