First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
