I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
