This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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