I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
