Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize