it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
