sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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