She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
