I CAN MOONWALK!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
