Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Do vagina's smell?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
