my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
