hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
