you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
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I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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