someone owes me an orgasm
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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