if i can run in heels then i can drive
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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