I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
