There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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