Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
