So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
