Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
