dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Drake has all the answers
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
