Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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