Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
