i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
