Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
