i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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