Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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