with your own penis?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
