plz talk dirty to me
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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