I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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