The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
