the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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