I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
