why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
