and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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