there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
