Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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