I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
