remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
