I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
