no, he came in my armpit
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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