the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
