chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Acid is not a monday night drug
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
