Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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