do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
