last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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