I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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