21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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