you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
