i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
