You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
the day after is always just damage control
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Randomize
