Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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