btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
where does the pee come out of this thing
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
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