..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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