so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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