I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
