If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
