I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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