My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
