I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
