Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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