Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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