what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
