I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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