she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
