dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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