wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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