my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
