I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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