I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
