If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize