Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
