Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
