Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Randomize
