I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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